I’m a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here! With no Matt Hancock, it’s a bungle in the jungle

After three years away from the southern hemisphere, I’m a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here! (Virgin Media One, Sunday, 9pm) is back in sweltering, bug-infested Australia. But will the season be a tropical thriller or a bungle in the jungle? The answer, or so the first episode suggests, may be a dreary amble in the Antipodes.

The biggest issue with the series opener is the absence of the “mystery guest” everyone is talking about: the former UK health secretary Matt Hancock. His participation (along with that of the frizzy-haired comic Seann Walsh) has not been officially confirmed. However, presenters Ant and Dec all but spell it out as they announce they will be rolling out the “welcome mat” for one of the surprise celebs joining in the days ahead.

There are echoes of the time the show teased viewers about the rumoured participation of Noel Edmonds, only for him to exit shortly after he joined. Whether Matt Hancock will be a disappointment on a similar level remains to be seen

In toying with the public there are echoes of the time the show teased viewers about the rumoured participation of Noel Edmonds, only for gnomic gnome to exit shortly after he joined.

Whether Hancock will be a disappointment on a similar level remains to be seen. Launch night is all about introducing the 10 confirmed celebs – and what a dull bunch they are.

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The biggest star is Boy George (also believed to be the highest-paid contestant). And from the outset, his A-lister (ish) status appears to be winning him favours.

The rest of the contestants are variously forced to participate in a terrifying high-wire walk from a skyscraper above Surfers Paradise, jump from a plane, and search for gold stars in a creepy-crawly-filled boat. Meanwhile, George and his “VIP” partner Scarlette Douglas get away with paddling across a lake.

“I’m basically a natural born show-off,” purrs George. He reveals that it’s a big deal for him to be out in public without make-up. And that he is determined to be voted “king and queen of the jungle”.

[ Boy George puts his six-bed, five-bath London mansion up for sale for €19m ]

He is in high spirits. However, it remains to be seen how long that lasts after he is required to rough it on a grotty island alongside his fellow VIPs Douglas, Olivia Attwood (from Love Island) and the former BBC Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles.

Early episodes of I’m a Celeb are always misleading. You never know who is going to be first to lose their cool/dignity/will to live. Only as we get into the guts of the season, and the contestants are required to peel away the layers, is the game is truly afoot.

Already it seems that the comedy relief will come from the Hollyoaks actor Owen Warner. Told that Scarlette Douglas is from A Place in the Sun his response is “Where?” Later he reveals that his biggest fear is “snakes that can swim”. Come rain, shine or slugs, he is going to be a fount of accidental wisdom.

During the pandemic, I’m a Celebrity had to relocate to a draughty castle in Wales. This year the only crumbling ruin is likely to be Hancock’s career. The MP has been variously ridiculed and condemned for signing up to a franchise too farcical even for his old boss Boris Johnson.

[ I’m a C-list Celebrity… Get Me Out of North Wales! ]

Still, it’s too early to predict whether Hancock soars like a cockroach wriggling up a celeb’s arm or sinks faster than an Ant’n’Dec one-liner. Largely because we haven’t seen him yet.

Until he makes his entrance there is a sense with I’m a Celeb ... of watching a phoney war. For now it’s all one big countdown. Waiting for Hancock – it’s like Beckett with bugs instead of bone-dry dialogue but with the existential despair dialled up even higher.